Flutter

Flutter
Flutter dear mind
Flutter and fly
Like effervescence
From the rapidly narrowing stream

Mutter
Mutter all you want
Mutter insanity
In my ears, on my face
From a slow fading dream

Walk
Walk about
Walk near as much u can
Find the highest u can fall
From what depths your fears scream

Exhale
Exhale louder
Exhale the poison fruit
Sticky roads stick ur wings
From here to gather steam

Burn
Burn out
Burn them demons out
Let those ashes become your coat
From one to the other extreme.

Bharat Rapes India

Dear Bharat,

I come to you in humility, knowing that I come from you. I come to you in awe of all the beautiful places you hold and the rich diverse culture you once helped achieve. But mostly, I come to you with a request. PLEASE LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

I know you have your claim on me, but please stop suffocating me, stop trying to dress me up like you, stop telling me who I should hang out with, and what time I should be back home. I know that you think you know better, but please listen to my voice of reason and know that your tools don’t fit into our grooves anymore.

We are like those kids who came out of smaller towns and decided we won’t be what we left behind. We decided to be reach out to the world, something you never could, because you were too underexposed to know how the microphone works. But we do. We don’t just farm, we organic farm. We have twenty different kinds of coffee flavours to go with our hash brownies. We have crowded passports and glowing screens. Glowing screens that connect us to the world, and the world to us. Because we are equally important now, unlike your times when we were the beggars at the door of the World Bank. We don’t just use computers, we make them. We don’t just work in foreign companies anymore, we buy them. We have friends in other genders, and we have sex, lots of it, before, during and after; hetero, homo and bi. We are not asking you to do what we are doing, stop asking us to do what you think we should. We really don’t give a shit. So when you stand up and tell us that it was our fault you raped us, or that we should not look, live and breathe global, you are not convincing us to step back, you are aggravating us to pace faster, in a direction away from you. And BTW, you are behaving like that old illiterate neighbour who even you hated when you were young.

Young, it seems you have forgotten how it is like to be young. Because being young means learning, changing with the times, trying on new things to see what fits better. Youth is about dreaming, about being attractive and be attracted. It’s about breaking away and moving forward; going out, not sitting in. It’s about possibilities and equal opportunities. It is about looking at others and taking in what feels right. It is about being free and understand everyone’s need to be so. It is about realizing how important it is to be respectful of personal space, and to have a voice.

And lastly, you will have to stop forcing yourself on us. Mentally and physically. You will have to stop telling us what to wear, you will have to keep your hands away from us, you will have to stop ruining our parties, you will have to stop peeping in whenever you want, you will have to stop shoving the culture dick down our throats, and lastly, you will have to listen when we say NO. Especially when our girls say NO. They mean it, and we mean it. But it seems you have completely forgotten how to be a gentleman. Because if girls are afraid of you, every woman around you feels threatened, then you are nothing more than a social embarrassment.

See, we are used to girls, they are in our schools, colleges, workplaces, malls; literally everywhere that we are. And they are there to be wooed, not scared away; they are to be spoken to, not screamed at; to be admired, not annihilated, they are to be shared voices with, not gag. I don’t know how justify what you are doing. I don’t know why is it that you can’t keep your genitals, your tongue and your eyeballs to yourself every time you see a female, no matter what the age. And I really don’t know why you are opening your mouth at the time when you should use your brain, and SHUT THE FUCK UP. Because every time you let that trap of yours open, you are falling down a bit more in our eyes. So whether you say it was chowmein, or western culture, or say it was our fault that we got raped, or that the clothes our girls wear lead you on; what you are saying to us is that you really are not willing to change, and that our ties are at an end. Trust me, we have no issues walking away, NONE.WHAT.SO.EVER.

I know you are scared that you will be deemed redundant in this world sooner than you expected. That is why you are holding on to whatever shred of past is left with you, something you think validates your existence, like an addict to the drug. I also know that you really don’t get us at all, so stop pretending that know the solution; you cant help the cause till the time you realize that the problem is YOU. Mostly, know one thing, you are old and we are young, we WILL inherit you, and when we do, we will make sure we correct your mistakes. So if you still want to be part of our system, stop acting like a sickness. And for god’s sake, stop raping us of our freedom.

Sincerely
India

Three amigos take a trip.

Journeys are always symbolic. Sometimes we travel physically to cover emotional distances, and sometimes we walk away in our minds to set our hearts free. Whatever the reasons be, we are all travelling, all of the time. Either towards or away from something, but we are all passengers in this journey to find ourselves, and our pieces. This is such a story. Of three tiny specks of sand, who took on a journey not knowing where they will end up, or who they will end up being.

I have always stressed on the romance and adventure of an unplanned road trip. About how it brings out the best and worst in us, and how it is so very different from a holiday. Most of these impromptu trips are born out of desperation. The desperation to breathe, or to get away, or to get together, sometimes all of these and more combined. This was no different. We three, lets call us ‘The Three Amigos’, were desperate to get out of the town during the new years. And we did, in a car, towards the sea, without a confirmed roof for us to stay under when we got there. So yes, this had the making of an epic road trip.

Just like every lovelorn couple, who want to run away from the world, into their own idea of paradise, we also left in the dark of the night, much before the world could wake up and get in our way. This was the first time we were doing this, the three of us - me, her and our five-month-old furry boy. Life hasn’t had been at the best of terms with us lately, and we wanted it to be. Maybe a change of scene will help, maybe we can connect back to where we started from. Maybe a midnight ride on a rented bike help us realize where all the softer parts of our relationship went. Something’s anything’s gotta give, isn’t it?

So we left, armed with nothing but hopes and optimism. Let me make it clear right here, I, as a man, am not a very subtle one. I am crude, I am rough and I am anxious about things that I shouldn’t be. Yes, I am an incredibly hard person to be with. Which is one of the reasons I care that much about the ones who decide to stay. My co-passenger however is the exact opposite. In short, she is a woman like a woman is supposed to be, subtle, worldly, silent and critical. But she runs on a short fuse. Our son however, inherits all of the above, specially the art of being stubborn. Yes, it runs in the family.

You know, we all have a picture of how things should be in life. We all mentally project our version of what the perfect case scenario should be, no matter how mundane or imp the situations be. We think and re-think it from all perspectives that we can imagine, we live and relive those perspectives and prepare ourselves for it. But somehow, life finds that one permutation that you did not try, that one situation you dint think of, and throws that at you. Yes, life has a way of leaving your stumped, even when you have had all your bases covered. And that is why a road trip is so much to look forward to. It’s like a challenge you throw to life, and surrender to it at the same time. For once, you are not challenging life to be the way you want it to be, you are accepting things to come, and asking life to figure out a solution to its own problems. It’s like being on the same team; it’s like giving yourself up to the universe and believing that it’s on your side.  

It took us fourteen hours to get to our destination. It was dark, we were tired, hungry, cranky; a detour had broken our ride and our backs simultaneously, and to top it all, we dint have a place to sleep for the night. See, we were supposed to have had reached our destination with daylight still on, but one wrong turn had set us back five hours, and now we were panicking. Fortunately, we got a place to rest our weary head for the night. Unfortunately, it wasn’t up to our expectations or standards. But we were out of options, so we gave in to our tiredness, for a night. Tomorrow will be a new day, we thought to ourselves as we slid deep into slumber. The gods wont continue punishing three tired souls who are looking for nothing more than a speck of joy, can they?

No they weren’t. The very next morning, we got a better place. Though it wasn’t the luxury we have had come to expect out of a hotel stay, but it was still mercy on the universe’s path to have gotten us that. And we sure as hell were thankful. Speaking of mercy, it’s a very odd emotion. Actually, it’s not really an emotion. It’s an action, one that is the outcome of several mixed emotions. Mercy is not forgiveness. Forgiveness stems from letting go. Mercy is an act of letting be. So yes, when I say that the gods were merciful, that’s exactly what I meant – they let us be. That day we rested like we had never rested before. It was late in the evening when we decided that we should step out now. Our rented bike was ready, and so were we. The three of us plonked ourselves on the seat and left. And that’s when our vacation really began. It was that moment when the cold sea air brushed across our skin, when we realized that we were no longer in the city, we were hundreds of miles away from it. We were at the sea, were free to be. We were at the place where it all began. It was a beautiful evening, as the three of us were a family for the first time. Sitting there in one of the open shacks that played live retro music, I realized, that through all those turns and through all those hardships that we have had to face to get here, and not just during this journey, we had come closer, all of us. I realize that we have been planning this moment for the last two years, and somehow, this was the exact time it was supposed to happen.

It’s very important to have firsts in a relationship. First kiss, the first touch, the first flower or the first time you let the other person touch you, is really very important. Those are the things we remember, we commemorate and celebrate, and they become the highlights of our lives. But sometimes, for couples, who carry the burden of individual past, firsts are very hard to come by. Most things are a repeat, a constant comparison, or a painful memory. It’s never really a surety of whether your gesture will make the other person smile or hurt a throbbing vein. That is why these couples stumble ever so often. Because we are always walking a very delicate balance, never truly care free. We always have our mittens on, our brakes in check, and our brains on alert. The lack of a clean canvas muddies the experiences. Especially during occasions and holidays. And funnily, these are the kind of people who need firsts more desperately than the others. Firsts help us bond, firsts help is fill that void we are trying hard to fill, firsts makes us believe that all hasn’t been done as yet, that there is still room for plenty more. And yes, we got our fair share of it this time around.

There are many such details during this trip that will make no sense to the outside world, but those details, a week of living as man, wife and child made us realize a lot many things about each other than we would had if we have had been in the city. We saw our five-month-old boy turn into a complete beach bum, we saw him in his courageous best and his yappiest worst. We realized that he really is a brave little pup with the soul of a much older man. We understood how being close physically helps solve things in a much simpler and cleaner way. We realized that this is how we eventually want to live the rest of our lives, and I saw it in her eyes that it was a possibility. But most importantly, we realized that five hundred miles was enough distance to put between us and awkward realities that haunt us in the concrete jungle. We realized that there is a fighting chance of us being a family, if only the world would let us be. So while the world was never quite completely forgotten, and I was never quite the gentleman I usually am, and she wasn’t quite the friend she usually is, we, for a moment there, on that rented scooter, on that beach bed, between the cold waves of a surging sea, we were really one. And that is the distance we covered, that is the journey we took. And I think it turned out to be a much better start to a new year than we ever imagined for the three amigos. 

 

How I found my faith back

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I was at a nearby celebrity filled puja pandal when faith hit me. Actually, it was an elderly gentleman with the new iPad who did, faith happened on her own. And it was quite liberating, I must say. It was like waiting for an era, and realizing, the wait was over. For those who are not able to understand what I’m all about, let me take you a few years back.

I shifted to ‘Digital’ around 6 years back, and everyone thought I was professionally suicidal. And why not? At that time, digital was nothing more than that booty call you would make at 2:00am, drunk and desperate, when all other ways of getting laid had turned sour. And she would serve you with a smile, like those underage Thai girls, for nothing more than a cheap Tequila shot, always happy you came. It was a place you would visit in secrecy, and leave before dawn, back into the arms of your ‘Above the line’ girlfriend. But today, it’s a slightly different story. Today that geek with braces has matured and gotten all the right curves, and everyone seems to know a lot about her suddenly. You like her, you ogle at the ways she moves, you fantasize about doing things with her that no one has ever done before, but most of all, you want her by your side, on your arm, you live in her afterglow. Don’t get me wrong, you might want her because everyone else wants her, but you really don’t understand her more that you did before. It’s just that she is desirable now, immensely so. You think about her while your latest brand film dances seductively to bring some excitement back into your relationship. But all you can think of is whether digital will approve of it, or not? Every time you do something new, you run to her, you want to share it, you want her to like it and give you an infectious viral, like an unstoppable STD, oh you want that viral so bad, don’t you? Yes, you do. And you try so hard for it too. But, at the end of the day, you still don’t understand what is it that will keep her satisfied, make her your woman.

So anyways, having come from the time when we sold 100 licks for 100 bucks, to a place where my kind is a novelty today, I can say all this. And I can tell you why and how it was so difficult to keep faith in a miracle that still hasn’t happened, at least not in the way it was expected. Maybe, soon there wont be anymore looking down on my kind, maybe the underdog will succeed, maybe my kind wont have to wipe the plates for bits of food after the lords of mainline are done devouring the better half of the turkey. And most importantly, maybe, just maybe, we wont have to fight tooth to nail with OOH, Radio, DM, CRM, ORM for a share of the left overs. Maybe, online will seem to be a better option than offline, if you get my drift.

Anyways, where was I? Oh ya, faith. She hit me. Right there, in that heady mix of incense, drums, chants and the smell of eggrolls; in the form of a thousand glowing screens around me. Yes, I could see the orgy of content shared, captured and created, by every one, every section, every age group and every demographic the planners can cook up. I could see it first hand, that she has infected every part of the society, there was no escape. I could see that the people are today equipped for multimedia story telling, I could see that it was no more a thing of novelty to anyone. I guess this is what it feels like to have fought for a cause, and have won it. Well, almost.